I may not be the most qualified to write this blog, but I have had two children and I'm pretty aware of why I feel what I feel...and pretty observant of others. So, after recently talking with a friend, I got the urge to write this. It's sort of a joke...sort of not :)
I know there are TONS of books out there about "what to expect when you're expecting" and many more that are even geared towards husbands. Truthfully though, how many of our husbands are going to sit down and read those? So, to help your hubby get ready for
you when you are pregnant, and to help him understand
you, I've written a short and sweet "instruction manual" for you to share with him :) I'm sure you have another "point" you'd like to share - feel free to add it to the bottom so others can reap your wisdom :)
Husbands:
This is a little "heads up" on understanding your pregnant wife. It's not meant to scare you or insult you, it's simply a way to help you get along better with your sweetheart until (and a little bit after) the baby is born.
5 of our common behaviors and what should be your appropriate response - straightforward - follow them and you (and your wife) will be much happier ;)
1. OUR BEHAVIOR: We are different when we're pregnant. Yes, there are some women that say that pregnancy was a breeze and they never had any problems (and to those women I say - that is SO great for you! ...that was laced with sarcasm and bitterness ;) However, most of us go through so many things I won't even bother to list them...it's kind of depressing. Just know, that we will act different - maybe not all the time - but some of the time. And by different, I mean, well...you may not be our favorite person sometimes. All my husband had to do sometimes was walk in the door and I'd get mad! The strange thing is, I never realized I was acting different, until after the baby was born and I looked back - and realized maybe I wasn't the best wife at times ;) YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: When you get attacked for what may seem as nothing, just walk over to your wife, give her a kiss, say you love her and walk away. If you try and defend yourself over "nothing" chances are you will lose...big time. I mean really, we're already upset about nothing - if you give us something to actually get mad over...not smart. Feel honored that we use you as our "release". It means we love you and trust you enough to unburden on you rather than someone else because you promised to love us no matter what. We know you won't leave us (unlike our friends or co-workers) so you are our "safe place" (that part is actually true...I'm not being sarcastic :). Oh, and a word of warning - do NOT call this behavior to our attention. Whether we know we're acting more irrationally or not, pointing it out may get you hurt.
2. OUR BEHAVIOR: We are uncomfortable when we are pregnant...in soooo many ways. We will probably complain - it may come out as a direct complaint, it may come out as whining, it may be linked to number 1. YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Don't try and understand - you can't possibly. But do understand this - we have a right to complain. What we are going through is hard, it's not something we completely understand and we are, at times, extremely uncomfortable. You can't understand this because God didn't bless you with this wonderful burden, but you can nod and be quiet. It doesn't matter if we tell you 1200 times that our feet hurt, we want to hear from you 1200 times, "I'm sorry, can I do anything?" We want you to understand what we're going through (even though you can't) -we're not complaining for us, we're complaining for you - so you can share in this experience ;)
3. OUR BEHAVIOR: Eating. I'm not talking about eating weird things (although some of my friends did), I'm talking about eating. Period. I had a bad, metallic type taste in my mouth during my entire pregnancies. The taste was so bad that if something was not in my mouth (gum, food, drink, etc) I would gag. Fun times. So, I would eat - even if I wasn't hungry. I also gained over 70 pounds. Turns out, I was also having a reaction to some of the foods I was eating (which I found out years later), but that's not the point. Point is, we get to endure pregnancy for almost 10 months and its the one time in our life we don't have to worry about how we look in our bathing suits. YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Never question what or why your honey is eating. That will only bring on an argument. If you don't like the food your wife is eating, may I suggest that you a.) cook the meals and/or b.) do the grocery shopping.
4. OUR BEHAVIOR: Impatience. (This is linked to number 1 but bears repeating because it will increase in the last trimester) The last 12 weeks of my pregnancy, I woke up every 30 minutes every night to turn over because my hips hurt so bad. This is not uncommon. Others wake up every 30 minutes to pee. Little sleep = impatience. Again, we may not realize that the two are linked or that it's getting worse...but I'm sure
you will. (again, don't point it out). YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: If you want us to feel more rested and, in turn, be a nicer person - find a way for us to get in a nap. We get ill with you because we are jealous - you get to sleep all night! We want to also! Help us out a little...
5. OUR BEHAVIOR: over-planning, over-organized, over-stressed. We are so excited about our new bundle of joy and he/she is on our mind
all the time. You may be able to think about other things, but that's because you don't have a little reminder kicking you in the ribs at all hours :) This may depend on the personality of your wife, but most women get into the "zone" at times and want to make sure everything is ready - nursery, supplies, food for after the birth, childcare, etc. YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE: Indulge her. Try and get excited even if, at the moment, it's the last thing you want to think about. This is something you can prepare for together. If you want to get her mind off of your future bebito, if you want to have a date night where you talk about something
other than your bambino, you're going to have to try a little harder and be a little more creative...ahem. In
all areas ;)
Did I miss anything ladies? Anything else our husbands need to know when we're pregnant? btw, that made it sound like I'm pregnant...I'm not (despite my childrens' pleas :)
God bless
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