This can be such a stressful thing - figuring out where you are going to worship and which congregation you're going to call your church family. But it can also be fun and exciting!
I have never actually had to church shop and may never have to as long as my husband and I continue to work in churches :) But, although I've never had to church shop, I HAVE had the opportunity to talk with dozens of couples (or singles) that DID have to church shop. I've also worked or volunteered in 5 different churches - all very different. Some people told me they had been shopping for "years"! That's disheartening to hear. If the process really is so tedious and cumbersome, people are going to tend to give up rather then to keep searching. And then they aren't worshiping anywhere!
So, I want to help. I don't want this to be an intimidating or overwhelming process. Take it step by step. You'll find your match - I promise! Discuss the following items with your significant other (or if you are searching alone, take some notes for yourself) BEFORE you even set foot in a church. It will help you tremendously. There are still things to consider once you start attending church services, but this will help you narrow those choices down a LOT. Take time to do your research online before you start visiting and it will be a HUGE time (and stress) saver!
So, I want to help. I don't want this to be an intimidating or overwhelming process. Take it step by step. You'll find your match - I promise! Discuss the following items with your significant other (or if you are searching alone, take some notes for yourself) BEFORE you even set foot in a church. It will help you tremendously. There are still things to consider once you start attending church services, but this will help you narrow those choices down a LOT. Take time to do your research online before you start visiting and it will be a HUGE time (and stress) saver!
THREE things to look for BEFORE you visit!
I am going to assume that you already have an idea of what you believe and which denomination (or non-denomination) you are looking for. If you are a new believer and don't yet know which denomination is right for you, then I suggest you look up some of the main ones and compare their beliefs...Presbyterians and Methodists are pretty similar, Episcopalian and Catholic are somewhat similar, you also have Baptist, Lutheran, and Pentecostal (the rowdiest bunch ;) lol Take a look at those and see if there are some that you definitely do or don't want on your list. Non-denominational churches are also good - I've visited a few - but don't be fooled by the name. The church was started by a group that had certain beliefs and the church will share those beliefs. Non-denominational churches still have their specific beliefs, they just don't want to be tethered to the rules/regs of a certain denomination.
1. Size. This is extremely important and something that can easily be determined beforehand by checking out the webpage. I don't know about other denominations, but the PCUSA.org (Presbyterian Church USA) website lets you search for churches by city, then you can click on the church for details. It'll give you the number of members. This is what comes up when you search my church - Highland Presbyterian - and these are the stats that are given. Just keep in mind that the number of members doesn't equal the number of people in worship. As a general rule, divide it by three and that is your average Sunday attendance. If you know what denomination you'd like to attend, then go to the national website and search churches in your area. Now you know how to find the number - but why is it important? It's important because everyone likes different things. I'm an introvert, but I also like to lead and organize groups and events. I could never feel comfortable in a mega church because I would always get overlooked and would never feel a part of the community. Plus, I wouldn't get a chance to use my gifts. However, there are other introverts that would prefer to stay in the background and would also prefer to be overlooked :) In the same way, there are extroverts that would LOVE a tiny church because they would get to talk with and get to know everyone at the church. Think about what you would like - what feels most like worship to you? 100 people? 300? 1000? Once you figure this out, you can eliminate at least a third of your choices.
2. PROGRAMS! One and done or Bible Studies galore? Are you simply looking for a place to worship on Sunday mornings and nothing else? Perhaps you already have a mid-week study group or your kids are involved in Young Life outside of church so you aren't looking for anything else. Or, maybe you want to participate in small groups and you want your kids to have opportunities like a children's choir and youth group? All this can be found online as well. For example, there is a mega church near us that does worship very well. I visited and was impressed. Sunday morning is a well-oiled machine. But you can tell from their website that Sunday morning is their emphasis, and besides small groups, there isn't much more offered. If that's all you want - perfect - put them on your list to visit! If you are interested in mission trips, youth group, children's program outside of Sunday, etc., then you know to keep looking. In the same way, if you have babies/young kids, check out their children's ministry. If you have elementary kids, don't forget to also check out the youth opportunities. Think ahead!
3. Beliefs. I will preface this by saying that you shouldn't expect any church to match your beliefs exactly. It won't happen. But there are most likely a few things that you feel strongly about. For example, a big thing being discussed now in many denominations is LGBTQ and what is "acceptable" for that church. If that is a big issue for you, find out where the church stands before getting involved and visiting. I've met quite a few people that start attending churches (sometimes for years) before they realize what the church supports or doesn't support. It's much harder to leave when the church has become a part of your life - especially when you have children. Another issue I personally always check (even before visiting other churches on vacation) is what the church believes in terms of women in ministry. That is something I feel strongly about so I always check the website for clues as to what they believe and how conservative they are. Once you start visiting web pages and reading mission statements you hone in on specific phrases and words. Some churches will explicitly say it on their "about" page like this one: "Ministers, ruling elders, and deacons in the PCA are men only, in obedience to the New Testament standard for those who rule the church and teach doctrine, though women have a wide range of use for their gifts in our churches." Others are more subtle by saying something to this effect, "The Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God in its original manuscripts." This means the church is more conservative which will either put them on or take them off your list :) Whatever your core beliefs, find out beforehand what the church believes before visiting. There was a church in our area that wasn't very explicit on their website - I checked. Unless you know your theology and how churches can word different things, you wouldn't know where they stand. We had at least two families transfer to our church after YEARS of attending this church because they found out women couldn't serve as elders, lead Bible studies, etc. It's hard on everyone to have to leave a church you're attached to.
VISITING - Once you have narrowed down your choices to a handful, then you can start visiting! woo-hoo! Just please remember two things before you go - pray and keep an open mind. The Holy Spirit is with you in this and God has a place for you in a church. Pray that you will feel that peace that passes all understanding while you are visiting a church :) Also, please, please, please don't base your decision on a church on whether or not you like the pastors' sermon that Sunday. That is wrong on many levels. One, pastors are human and could easily have a bad day. Two, the guy/girl that preached that day may not have even been a pastor of the church. And, three, things happen in churches that can really effect the mood of a Sunday - positively and negatively. I went home and visited my "home" church one time (first time in years) and someone very well known and loved in the church had passed away suddenly a few days earlier. That whole worship service was about death and mourning. A visitor would have been clueless and probably turned off by the experience. Go back 2-3 times to a service before making a judgement on the worship service and sermons. Many churches stream or post their sermons online now. So, if you want to get a second or third look at the sermons, that would be a quick way to decide. Let your kids/youth also visit their groups 2-3 times before getting their feedback. Kids especially can make very abrupt decisions based on nothing in particular lol.
Remember, every person is different and not every church is for every person. But there IS a church out there for you and God bless you in your journey to find it!
1. Size. This is extremely important and something that can easily be determined beforehand by checking out the webpage. I don't know about other denominations, but the PCUSA.org (Presbyterian Church USA) website lets you search for churches by city, then you can click on the church for details. It'll give you the number of members. This is what comes up when you search my church - Highland Presbyterian - and these are the stats that are given. Just keep in mind that the number of members doesn't equal the number of people in worship. As a general rule, divide it by three and that is your average Sunday attendance. If you know what denomination you'd like to attend, then go to the national website and search churches in your area. Now you know how to find the number - but why is it important? It's important because everyone likes different things. I'm an introvert, but I also like to lead and organize groups and events. I could never feel comfortable in a mega church because I would always get overlooked and would never feel a part of the community. Plus, I wouldn't get a chance to use my gifts. However, there are other introverts that would prefer to stay in the background and would also prefer to be overlooked :) In the same way, there are extroverts that would LOVE a tiny church because they would get to talk with and get to know everyone at the church. Think about what you would like - what feels most like worship to you? 100 people? 300? 1000? Once you figure this out, you can eliminate at least a third of your choices.
2. PROGRAMS! One and done or Bible Studies galore? Are you simply looking for a place to worship on Sunday mornings and nothing else? Perhaps you already have a mid-week study group or your kids are involved in Young Life outside of church so you aren't looking for anything else. Or, maybe you want to participate in small groups and you want your kids to have opportunities like a children's choir and youth group? All this can be found online as well. For example, there is a mega church near us that does worship very well. I visited and was impressed. Sunday morning is a well-oiled machine. But you can tell from their website that Sunday morning is their emphasis, and besides small groups, there isn't much more offered. If that's all you want - perfect - put them on your list to visit! If you are interested in mission trips, youth group, children's program outside of Sunday, etc., then you know to keep looking. In the same way, if you have babies/young kids, check out their children's ministry. If you have elementary kids, don't forget to also check out the youth opportunities. Think ahead!
3. Beliefs. I will preface this by saying that you shouldn't expect any church to match your beliefs exactly. It won't happen. But there are most likely a few things that you feel strongly about. For example, a big thing being discussed now in many denominations is LGBTQ and what is "acceptable" for that church. If that is a big issue for you, find out where the church stands before getting involved and visiting. I've met quite a few people that start attending churches (sometimes for years) before they realize what the church supports or doesn't support. It's much harder to leave when the church has become a part of your life - especially when you have children. Another issue I personally always check (even before visiting other churches on vacation) is what the church believes in terms of women in ministry. That is something I feel strongly about so I always check the website for clues as to what they believe and how conservative they are. Once you start visiting web pages and reading mission statements you hone in on specific phrases and words. Some churches will explicitly say it on their "about" page like this one: "Ministers, ruling elders, and deacons in the PCA are men only, in obedience to the New Testament standard for those who rule the church and teach doctrine, though women have a wide range of use for their gifts in our churches." Others are more subtle by saying something to this effect, "The Bible is the inerrant, infallible Word of God in its original manuscripts." This means the church is more conservative which will either put them on or take them off your list :) Whatever your core beliefs, find out beforehand what the church believes before visiting. There was a church in our area that wasn't very explicit on their website - I checked. Unless you know your theology and how churches can word different things, you wouldn't know where they stand. We had at least two families transfer to our church after YEARS of attending this church because they found out women couldn't serve as elders, lead Bible studies, etc. It's hard on everyone to have to leave a church you're attached to.
Other belief issues that are prominent now and you may want to look into if you feel strongly about them -
*missions - local, national and international
*politics in general - churches are non profit organizations and therefore should not be involved in politics. yes, they have their beliefs...but no, they absolutely shouldn't be involved in politics.
*"purity" culture for youth (this is something I take issue with and wouldn't want my kids pressured to do...but others may be searching specifically for that)
*abortion - no one is pro-abortion, but many people also believe in the right of the women to choose. Most churches won't tell you where they stand on this, but you can "follow the money" so to speak. Just like the LGBTQ issue, there are a number of hate groups out there that promote violence against people who believe differently than others. Unfortunately, many of these groups are religious. I understand people have different views and beliefs - but Jesus would NEVER join a hate group. You can stand up for what you believe in without hate and violence. Please find out where the church AND denomination gives their money and make sure there are no hate groups on that list. Believe me, you will be SHOCKED at how many contribute yearly to these groups. For example, almost the entire southern Baptist denomination supports various hate groups. I'm not joking. Many episcopalian and catholic churches also fund hate groups. If you want to be pro or anti something that's fine. But never, ever support a church that promotes violence as a means to accomplish your agenda. Please. We have enough division in this country - we don't need churches making it worse. Ok...I'm ending my soapbox rant! Moving on...
VISITING - Once you have narrowed down your choices to a handful, then you can start visiting! woo-hoo! Just please remember two things before you go - pray and keep an open mind. The Holy Spirit is with you in this and God has a place for you in a church. Pray that you will feel that peace that passes all understanding while you are visiting a church :) Also, please, please, please don't base your decision on a church on whether or not you like the pastors' sermon that Sunday. That is wrong on many levels. One, pastors are human and could easily have a bad day. Two, the guy/girl that preached that day may not have even been a pastor of the church. And, three, things happen in churches that can really effect the mood of a Sunday - positively and negatively. I went home and visited my "home" church one time (first time in years) and someone very well known and loved in the church had passed away suddenly a few days earlier. That whole worship service was about death and mourning. A visitor would have been clueless and probably turned off by the experience. Go back 2-3 times to a service before making a judgement on the worship service and sermons. Many churches stream or post their sermons online now. So, if you want to get a second or third look at the sermons, that would be a quick way to decide. Let your kids/youth also visit their groups 2-3 times before getting their feedback. Kids especially can make very abrupt decisions based on nothing in particular lol.
Remember, every person is different and not every church is for every person. But there IS a church out there for you and God bless you in your journey to find it!
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