Fear and Trust

Friends,
I have watched your videos, read your emails, received your texts, talked with you, read your posts, seen your faces during Zoom calls, browsed through your social media, scrolled through your pictures and I just want you to know - you aren't alone.

I see the loneliness in parents' faces who feel utterly alone, trying to entertain toddlers and preschoolers.  I feel the pain in the words written by someone who has lost a loved one but can't be near them.  I see the sadness in the pictures of the seniors who won't get to see their friends again before graduating and who won't get to have prom or a ceremony.

I feel the frustration and the loss of what was to come - plans being canceled, trips postponed, anniversaries and birthdays spent in isolation.  It's hard.  It's hard to listen to family members far away who are struggling and you can't help.  It's hard to imagine children, youth and adults stuck in a house that is abusive.  It's hard to see the tears of a friend on Zoom when I can't take their hand and comfort them.

But most of all, I see the fear.  In your faces, in your words and in your eyes.  I feel it to.  We all do.  So much fear.

The fear of being alone - The single parent taking care of kids who has no energy or patience left to care for themselves.  The empty nester with no one around to talk to or take care of; the elderly, those in the greatest generation ever, now spending their time in a retirement home being isolated from the world.  Loneliness.

The fear of the unknown.  Will I get sick?  If I do, will I pull through?  Will my loved ones?  Will I have a job in a month?  Will I have enough money to make the next payment?  Will we get to have a summer vacation?  Will we be able to go to school in August?  The unknown.

The fear of sickness and death.  Even worse, the fear of going through sickness and death all alone.

The fear of the future - our own future, our country's future and the future of our world.

It's a fear so deep it sucks us in to the point where we can't crawl back out.  We feel paralyzed.  I read the fear in your words on social media.  I see the fear in your eyes on zoom and on video.  I hear the fear in your voice when we talk.  I see it everywhere.

Where is God?  Why is this happening? 
Fear prompts these questions.  We ask them because we don't understand what is going on and we fear the outcome.
Where are you God?  Why are you letting this happen?
Fear.
Fear causes us to think and do things we normally wouldn't do - like snap at a loved one, cry over nothing, and question things we normally don't question.

Friends, 
God knows this fear.  God understands it.  We know this by how many times we can find do not fear in the Bible.  In the NRSV, you can read it 99 times.  

For those that fear weakness, failure and being alone...


Isaiah 41:10 says:

Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.  

For those with fear of the unknown...
read Deut 31:8:

"It is the Lord who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed."  

And so many more...

No mortal person can answer those questions above - except by saying that we are not God and we can not understand God.  God is before us, God is with us and God will be after us.  All anyone can say to these questions is - Trust.  God never promises that all will be good, that our life will be perfect or that bad things won't happen.  But God does promise us that we will never be alone.  God tells us that he is always with us, that he will give us strength and that he loves us.  Trust.  

When you are in the midst of a crisis, a meltdown, or a panic attack, say that out loud.  "God, I trust you."  It's not easy.  Because it may not be true.  We may not trust God in that moment.  But say it again anyway.  

"God, I trust you."  
I trust you to love me.  I trust that you know the future.  I trust that out of evil, wonderful things can happen.  

"God, I trust you."
This will pass.  Life will be different, but that's ok.  You are with me.  Our lives may change, but You don't.

"God, I trust you."
All that fear that is causing us to lose sleep, to withdraw and close ourselves off.  We give it to you, God. 

"God, I trust you."
Do it.  Say it.  Over and over if you need to.  Give your fear to God until you trust Him to actually take it.  

Don't spend these months paralyzed by fear and grief.  God loves you and wants to take that from you - just release it, trust him fully, and He'll do it.

God bless you friends.

I feel...😊☹ 😄😍😢😠😘

I feel…

I've been talking to a number of people recently about feelings.  How do I feel?  How do you feel?  What is he feeling?  It's not something that comes natural to me...at least not for myself.  I may not be able to tell you what I'm feeling, but I can however, look at you or someone else and pretty much pinpoint exactly what you or they are feeling.  A gift or a curse?  not sure :)  lol

But what has struck me in the past few weeks or so is not just recognizing my own feelings but figuring out why i'm feeling that way.  It's been a little experiment of mine.  I'm feeling angry...but why?  This makes me sad - why?  I've been looking more deeply into why I'm feeling what I'm feeling.

Along those lines, and at this time of year - with all the traditions, busyness and love going around- I've also been struck at how an individual can create intense feelings in you.  Noe and I visited an elderly friend who is dying.  She talked with us quite a while, then Noe prayed for her.  It was a great visit and her attitude was just amazing.  Her faith could move mountains.  I was fine up until Noe finished praying.  Immediately after he finished, she interrupts him and says - "ok!  now stop.  I'm going to pray for you!"  Which is exactly what she did.  I can't begin to describe the feelings that her prayer invoked in me.  The peace, love, faith, strength...just amazing.  For someone who is dying, to take the time to pray for you...?  It's very humbling.  One thing she said in her prayer that I won't forget...because of the image it brought to my mind - "God, I can't wait until I get to heaven so I can sit on your lap and get a few hugs."  Amazing, right.

I felt strengthened…

Then there are friends that surprise you and cause feelings you weren't expecting.  That come out of no where to help or encourage you right when you need it most.  Family members that text they are praying for you, at exactly the right time.

I felt loved…

Animals, nature, God's creation - can all bring about feelings you don't normally feel.  We just got a new puppy...and as annoying as that little bark is when I leave the room cause she can't get to me; it does give you that feeling of contentment.

I felt needed…

When we decorated our Christmas tree and put up ornaments that I had made when I was little, that had pictures of my kids as babies, and our "just married" ornament...

I felt nostalgic…

I went out shopping to get a few things for my family for Christmas.  We haven't always been able to buy what we wanted for each other or our kids.

I felt blessed…

As my kids get older and turn into preteens, I realize they don't want me around as much and that i'm not as cool ;) But when my youngest asks me to volunteer in her classroom for her Christmas party and then actually comes up to me during the party and gives me a hug and says hi...

I felt joy…

There are a lot of feelings circulating around during Christmas.  Not all of them are rainbows and unicorns.  People feel loss.  They feel sadness.  They feel lonely.  If you feel any of those things, (or I should say, when you feel any of those things,) remember that there is something that can't be taken away from you.  There is most definitely pain, struggles and remorse in life and those feelings won't go away in just a few seconds.  They take time.  And work.  And a willingness to move forward.
But the reason we celebrate Christmas isn't to be with family, or to make the best cookies or plan the perfect party and have the best friends.  Those are all super fantastic and icing on the cake, but they aren't what makes Christmas special.  Our friend who is very sick and may not make it to Christmas reminded us of this.  In what we would expect to be the most difficult and terrifying moment of her life - a time when we expect her to be mad, or hurt or distraught beyond words - she instead wanted to remind us, that Jesus is the reason for the season :)

Jesus gave up his heavenly body and his place next to God.  And God gave up his only son.  Jesus left all the wonders in Heaven to come down to be with us...as a baby.  Meek, humble and helpless.  Just like us.  Bask in that.  Relish it.  That God loved us so much that He gave us his only Son.  No matter what your feelings are this Christmas...make sure one of them, on Christmas morning, is AWE.  Set time aside to feel it and experience it - whatever that looks like for you.  Don't dwell on the kids crying, the inlaws fighting, the sadness or ache in your heart because there is an empty chair that shouldn't be there...go ahead and feel it but then move on.  Pull out your Bible and re-read the story.  Read it out loud and pause as you take in the wonderful oddness of it all.  The virgin, the stable, the wise men.  Make sure and let yourself feel the moment...

I feel wonder…

Merry Christmas and God bless

"What do I get?"

I hear that all too often.  "If I do it, what are you going to give me?" Whether at church, at home or at school, our kids have been programmed to ask this.  Why?  Because we give them prizes and treats for everything! :) It is hard to motivate without them, but we don't want to create a mentality where kids ONLY do something in order to GET something.  So, what are we to do as educators to motivate?  Because, let's face it...some of the things we want the kids to learn aren't exciting enough right now for them to want to learn :)  Let's use the example of Bible verses - because many churches do that.  Children don't understand that years from now, when things aren't going the way they want, that those verses they memorized will help get them through those difficult times.  Kids live in the here and now - they can't fathom the future.  So...they need some motivation.  Again I ask, as educators, what can we do??  BE CREATIVE AND ...

Sometimes we want to motivate a class, sometimes an individual.  Each idea that I'm going to share has an individual and group suggestion.  There are five ideas - surely one of them can be tweaked to fit your class environment!

Our kids, whether we like it or not, know how to use electronics (better than we do;) and they speak that "language".  Video games and apps know how to motivate and get kids playing and learning.  So let's learn from them and use their language!  The kids understand it so why not?  Here are two words that you hear in almost every kids' game/app - "upgrade or level-up" and "unlock".  Every game/app, once a child gets to a certain point, let's them "upgrade" something, go to the next level or they get to "unlock" something.  I just downloaded a Bible memory app for kids and the motivator?  Every time a child learns a verse, they "unlock" an animal sound.  That's it.  As simple as that.  They get to push a button and hear an animal noise.  I don't think we need to get any more complicated than that! :)

So how can we apply these two words to church?  Easy!  Here are 5 ways you can motivate your kiddos by letting them "level-up", "upgrade" or "unlock" something!  Almost all of them lead to something they can do together - and I'll give ideas for that at the end.

1.  Puzzles - I don't mean crossword or word search...I mean actual puzzles with pieces.
         group:  If you want to motivate the entire group, buy a large blank puzzle from somewhere like oriental trading or amazon.  Or make one.  My suggestion - make it extremely easy to put together.  Number the pieces or draw the outline so the kids only have to match the shape and leave the puzzle blank.  Why?  Write a secret message on it.  You can get UV pens and lights from amazon for pretty cheap :)  Once they get a few pieces up there they'll start to ask why it's blank.  You could give them a little teaser and let them use the light to see what they can read.  You will need to figure out how you are going to measure each piece...when 5 kids memorize a verse, a piece goes up? (they "unlock" a piece)  or, when a class memorizes a verse...or some other way of measurement.  When the whole puzzle is complete (make sure the last few pieces contain the surprise!), shine the light and reveal your surprise!

         Individual:  Amazon has a pack of 24 small blank puzzles for $12 and they work pretty good.  You could get a small puzzle for each child.  For each verse they learn, the put a piece together.  you could draw the outline into the top of a shoebox and have them glue the pieces in.  Again, you could either write on them with sharpies so they can see it right away...or you could write with the UV pen.

2.  Marbles! - Many teachers have marble jars.  This is the same kind of idea as the above, in that when a child memorizes a verse, they put a marble in the jar - or, they "unlock" a piece.  When the jar is full, the group gets something.  You could make it more individualized for a class by giving each child a different colored marble...and they have to have at least 3(?) marbles in the jar in order to get to participate in the surprise (or something like that).

3.  Level - up!  Reach the ceiling!  Somewhere in your room create a measuring device.  Maybe put up a number every time ten kids learn a verse (?) - or whatever works for your group/class.  Once they reach your goal, they "level-up" and you put the next number up.  You could use a picture of anything or any kind of shape.  The point is, make sure it is a visual "climb" from the ground up to the ceiling, progressing in value.  once you reach the top, you get the "surprise".  This could also be made for individuals.  You could make it smaller on a bulletin board - as long as they know where the starting and ending point is.  Right now our theme at church is "kick-off" for the beginning of the year and our hallway is decorated like a football field.  I could make a bulletin board with pictures of the kids with a football helmet on their heads at one goal line and give them each a "football" in the endzone.  Each time they memorize a verse, their football moves ten yards (or, the move up another level).  When they score a touchdown - they get the surprise :)

4.  Apps - I have found two apps that help keep track of rewards.  "Stickerpop reward chart" and "rewards express".  Keep track of their progress (as a group or individually) on the app.  When they reach their goal - they get the surprise!

5.  Wheel of Fortune :)  Whatever your surprise is going to be, cut out the letters that spell it.  Every time they reach a goal, they unlock a letter.  Don't let them figure it out too far ahead of time because then it won't be as motivating!  Maybe put the letters in the wrong order ;)  Once they spell the surprise...they get it!

Ok.  So now you have LOTS of ways that the kids can visually track their progress to their surprise.  Now you have to decide - what is the surprise going to be?  Well, here are a number of options.  But please, please, please with sugar on top and a cherry on top...don't fill them with treats and sweets.  Don't let your surprise be cupcakes or a party with punch and cookies.  I'm begging you!  Our kids are more obese than in any other country, we have diabetic kids and special needs kids with special diets and we have allergies like never before.  Please stay away from treats.  I feel like my kids get cookies and candy shoved at them every day from somewhere - don't let it be the church!  Teach them how to take care of their bodies - that includes eating healthy!  So here are some non-candy/treat rewards :)  If you would like to buy ($1.50) my reward tickets (called "Blessing tickets") to have something tangible the kids can see/hold, they are on my teachers pay teachers store.  There are 11 for individuals and 11 for the class/group and one blank for each to write your own.

1.  Getting together after church for (a healthy) lunch - this could be something like a potluck where everyone brings something, or you order in (like subs) or you meet out at a restaurant.

2.  a group outing - laser tag, bowling, bounce place, etc.

3.  Change up your sunday school for one sunday - have a movie morning with popcorn and water, have an organized game morning where you play games or go outside or go to the gym if you have one.  Or, have rotations and let them spend 10-15 minutes in each room playing with legos, or crafting, or games or a short program (something for every type of child).  Have a technology day - if your church has ipads or computers let them have some freeplay!

4.  Make it even simpler and make the goal easy to obtain so that they reach the goal every month.  Do they have a favorite song they like to sing?  Or favorite game they like to play?  Or a dance or a video?  Whenever they reach their goal, they get to do it!

5.  Take a page from the Bible memory app that I mentioned above.  Find 10 silly videos on youtube that would make them laugh - they could be biblical or not...just something that would get them laughing out loud :)  Put the list up somewhere but cover up the pictures/words.  Every time they level up they can watch a video, or whenever they reach their "goal" they get to watch a video.

And did you know (I just found this out!!) that amazon sells scratch off reward cards that you actually make and write your own reward on them?  And the kids scratch them off?!  It's genius!!! Here's the link :)  24 cards for $7.

I could keep going, but by now you probably are thinking about your kiddos and what they like and what would work best for them.  Hopefully, this has gotten your creative juices flowing :)  If you come up with another idea that works for you, list it in the comments so people can get even more ideas!

Enjoy your kids and God bless you in your work :)

-L

5 lessons this Christmas

This Christmas has been a little different than Christmas's past.  I guess they're all different in a way, but this one has seemed different in more ways than one and I wanted to share what I've learned.

1.  This is more of a silly one...but one nonetheless.  This was my first Christmas working in our church and the lesson I re-learned this year is to BE CREATIVE :)  Or, to think outside the box.  And maybe also to be flexible :) I started something new at the church (which I've done at other churches but not here) called Advent angels.  I don't know how others felt, but I had a blast :) Also, I had to be creative in coming up with a way to make more angel costumes without it taking forever (or costing a lot).  Thank you Dollar Store :)  $2 a pair and 5 minutes per set of wings :) I'll have to post a pic later :)  I enjoyed the season immensely and thank God for the opportunities He has given me!
2. On a more serious note, I learned to not put important things off...and NOT TO WAIT.  A very sweet lady at our church passed away about a week before Christmas.  She was the first one to open up her house to us when we moved here.  She lived in a retirement home but that mattered not.  You can still be hospitable and kind no matter the environment.  She also had a faith that was so strong she witnessed to people not only in life, but even more so in death.

After we moved into our new home, she wanted to come over and see our house - because she knew the people who owned it before us, and because, well, she loved us :)  But it was never a good time and we kept putting it off...and now we've lost our chance.

3.  This wonderful lady showed me something else this season.  You see, yesterday, we received her Christmas card <3  She had them all ready to go but they hadn't been sent yet - so her children did it for her :)  To get a card from her, after her passing...well, it was surreal and amazing.  I'll share her words from her note with you, "Christmas is almost here but amid all the activities, obligations and celebrations, my priority is getting in touch with each of you..."  And her card said, "A time for telling the special people in our lives they are fondly remembered, cherished, and loved today and all year through."  REMEMBER YOUR LOVED ONES.

4.  OPEN YOUR EYES.  We have shared a few "firsts" with our children this advent season.  One, we watched "The Nativity" movie with them for the first time.  I also hadn't seen it in a few years.  Second, we watched "The Miracle of Christmas" at Sight and Sound Theater. Both times, I watched and listened to the birth story as if for the first time...hearing nuances I hadn't heard before, seeing details that I had missed or forgotten.  It's easy to glaze over something you've heard many times...but try to hear and see the story with fresh eyes and a renewed interest.  Feel Mary's pain when she was shunned, feel Joseph's frustration and bewilderment when he finds out, rejoice when the angel tells Joseph, feel the sense of urgency and helplessness when Joseph can't find a place for them to stay, watch the shepherds' stunned faces that turn into delight and then pure joy as they encounter the angels...The story is a myriad of emotions - let yourself get swept away in them and see them with new eyes.

5.  BE THANKFUL AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.  As many of you know, Noe's grandmother passed away yesterday.  It was unexpected and his family had to make quick preparations.  Without going in to detail, the funeral had to be set for Saturday which meant we had to make a very quick decision on what he would do.  He had no doubt - he had to go.  Despite the fact that we didn't have the money to pay for the entire ticket, we bought it anyway.  Then a voice in my head told me to ask for help.  Noe has been a blessing to me, our children and so many other people I knew that if I asked for help, it would come.  I just knew.  God is good that way.  Giving us hope when we feel hopeless.  I had no idea what to expect, but we collected over half the cost of the ticket in less than 24 hours and he left with a smile on his face and relief in his heart.  There have been some struggles this Christmas, but we have so much to be thankful for...including our wonderful friends and family.  The Juarez household may have an empty chair tomorrow morning when we wake up on Christmas, but I know that chair will soon be filled again.  Many people don't have that hope.  Please keep them in your prayers this Christmas.

God bless everyone this Christmas season and may God shower you with love, joy and hope next year :)

Safe place

I just finished a three day trip with three wonderful ladies that I've known since high school. 

Let me take that back...Although we all became really close friends in High School, I've actually known two of them since elementary school. One of them, I was in preschool with (we're right next to each other in the back :-) 

And another I was in Kindergarten with! (we're both in the 2nd row)

All of us were born the same year, and between the three of them I have 90 wonderful years of friendship. And I'm only 38 :-) pretty cool, right? Thinking about it, we actually don't have a whole lot in common now...besides our past.   After high school we all went to different colleges, we now live in different states, we live different lifestyles, three of us have kids-one doesn't, two of us go to church two don't, 2 work full time, 2 work part time; although similar in many ways, almost all of us are in different stages of life. 

But when the four of us come together, we create a safe place for each other - no judgment, no name-calling, no hostility, no grudges, no criticism and no negativity.  It's a positive, loving, encouraging, safe place. That's not always easy to come by in life. I'm very thankful that I've got these ladies to share it with. 

We went to a beautiful cabin in the mountains and spent two full days eating, talking, sitting by a campfire and catching up. 

No stress, no jobs and no responsibilities.  A safe place. Do you have a place like this in your life - where you don't feel judged, where you can relax and be yourself, where you can throw out all your crazy problems and not get laughed at, where you can have a shoulder to cry on? If not - I suggest you get one :) It makes a big difference. Driving up there (by myself) for three hours I thought about work, my schedule, responsibilities, conflicts and problems. On my way back I thought about how lucky I was to have such a safe place and such good friends...and I started constructing this blog in my head :-)

For my fellow pastor's wives, this isn't always a place we can find.  Making friends that aren't affiliated with the church isn't easy and finding friends that you can trust to confide in, is even harder. I'm very lucky to have this group of girls that I can meet with, unwind with, unload on and trust in...even if it's only every 2 to 3 years.  Although we may not see each other as often as we like, when we do, it's like we never left :) 

Friendships like that are once in a lifetime - and I'm blessed to have found them.  I'm looking forward to our next "girl's weekend" already! :)  Love you ladies :)

Admire Jesus...not people

   "I'll be there in a minute!" I shouted outside to my family.  They were all outside swimming in the pool.  I was inside by the TV waiting for the Cosby show to come on.  I was a fanatic and I wanted to see if it was a rerun before I went outside...otherwise I might miss a new one.  No other show meant that much to me...but Cosby was different.  I loved the family.  I loved the jokes.  I loved the children.  When I was sick at home, I'd watch a VHS tape (we had 4) filled with cosby's we had recorded. Bored? Watched Cosby.  Couldn't sleep?  I would replay my favorite episode in my head (that I had memorized) to help me go to sleep.  I didn't just love the show...I loved Bill Cosby.  I loved his stand up as well as his show.  He was a "clean" comedian so even in elementary school I could listen to his stand up.  My favorite?  Noah.  Still makes me smile :)

   I grew up knowing Cosby.  In a way, I admired him.  As I got older I learned that he wasn't just a comedian, but he also had strong values.  I never read any of his books all the way through, but I read excerpts and have heard clips of commencement addresses.  I loved his take on diversity and the role of fathers.  I loved how he could inspire people of any race.  Yes, I admired him.  That's where I went wrong.

   I wanted to pass on my love for Cosby to my kids.  Before all the accusations started hitting the fan, I put on the first season of the Cosby show - When Rudy's fish dies.  It was a hit.  They have been asking to watch the show ever since :) How could anyone not like the show? :)  Once I started reading all the recent articles about him however, I haven't wanted to see it.  I can't watch it without cringing when he's sweet and loving towards his "wife" or "family".  I can't watch it without saying "hypocrite" in my head.  Not only is he accused of breaking the law and hurting dozens of women, he did it repeatedly...and in turn hurt the family and friends of all these women.  I was hurt when I read the articles.  I was disillusioned.  I was angry.  I suddenly was let down by someone I admired.  It has happened to everyone of you I'm sure...show business, sports, people in everyday life...the world is full of them...and they let us down because they mess up.  But in a way, it's our fault.

   If you think about it, there is no one in life that we should really admire.  We are all sinners.  We will all mess up and let people down...even people we care about...especially people we care about.  Jesus is the only one that is without sin.  Jesus is the only one that we can truly admire as a person.  I'm not saying we shouldn't have any human admirations.  I'm saying that, perhaps, instead of admiring the person, we should admire what they do.  We admire what they have done or said.    People can do admirable things and they can say admirable things...but no person can live up to anyone's full admiration.  I'm sure you can think of someone you admire.  If you are thinking to yourself - but that person has never let me down, they are truly worthy of my admiration - you are kidding yourself.  No one is perfect...except Jesus.

Acts 5:29 ESV 

But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must

 obey God rather than men.

    In Paul's cub scout troop this week we talked about faith and people we know or have read about who exhibit a strong faith.  Names came up like Martin Luther King, Jr.  and Mother Teresa.  Two very well known figures who did amazing things.  Those things should be admired, their profound teachings and speeches should be remembered and admired...but they were not perfect.  They messed up too.  Luckily, God can use messed up people to do amazing things.

Look at David in the Bible.  He is definitely not someone I would want my children to admire!  He did many things that, in this day and age would get him kicked out of the church as a leader and possibly put in jail.  Yet God used him...in a huge way.  And we can admire the many teachings and stories he wrote in the Bible. This humanly admiration is common with pastors.  Many people hold pastors up too high and they admire them for being people of God.  Those people will always get disappointed and sometimes even disillusioned with the church because the pastor in some way or another failed.  I remember the first time I saw a pastor "mess up".  I couldn't believe it! How many times have you heard, "I don't go to church because it's full of hypocrites".  Duh.  Of course it is.  Christians want to do the right thing, they try to do good, but we go to church to remind ourselves over and over of what that is...because we all mess up.  We all need forgiveness and we all need second chances (and third and fourth and fifth...).

    So, as more horrible things come out about Bill Cosby, true or not, I am trying to remind myself that we should "hate the sin and not the sinner".  This doesn't mean we should condone what he did (I realize he is innocent until proven guilty...but I have a hard time believing that dozens of women are making up the exact same story and he has yet to deny it.  Even if only one woman is telling the truth...that's one too many), it means that he needs help.  He needs prayer and guidance because he obviously has issues he needs to work through.  Knowing how old he is, I just hope he can find peace before he passes away.  It also means that all the words of wisdom, speeches, inspiring shows and monologues that he has given can still be admired.  It's like a congressman who preaches family values and then cheats on his wife.  How many times has that happened?  It's hard to still believe their words after seeing their actions, but the words are still admirable.  That's what bothers me most about Cosby - that all the people who looked up to him and what he stood for and who based their morals and values on his words - may turn around and think that now those words are no longer true.  He obviously didn't live by them, why should I?  It doesn't work that way.

    The Cosby show is still funny and the lessons he has taught about fatherhood and racism are still powerful and true.  David's psalms are still beautifully written and faith filled.  The pastor's sermon is still relevant and inspiring.  These are all still things we should admire...just save your humanly admiration for Jesus.

Why I never get up before my kids...

It's such a good idea - set the alarm 30 minutes before the kids get up so I can do a devotional, exercise, get lunches ready...whatever I feel like doing for those peaceful 30 minutes of no bustling around. I've always wanted to do it. When the children were newborn and 2 years old, 1 and 3 and even 2 and 4 it wasn't really even a possibility because sleep was too precious :)  But now, it is possible.  I want to do it...but I don't.  Here's why -

Excuse the puffy and sleepy eyes...we did just wake up ;)

And that's the only reason :)  Ever since the children were able to get out of their "big kid" beds, they would wake up, run into our room, jump on our bed and snuggle up with us until we had to get up.  My oldest monkey, who is now 8, grew out of this around the age of 6 when he got into video games and, well...priorities ;) Our youngest, now 6, will also probably outgrow it soon.  I hope not, but eventually the time will come.  Until she does, you better believe that when she comes running into the room to jump into our bed for a few pre-school snuggles, I'll be waiting :)  One day those little feet won't come running, they'll sleep later and I'll be the one running in to her room to wake her up (and she'll probably tell me to go away. lol).  When that happens, I'll set my alarm (which I don't even bother to set right now!) to get up 30 minutes early so I can enjoy some peace and quiet first thing in the morning and get a few more things done.  That time will come.  Until then, I will cherish these moments...until they become wonderful memories :)

Top 5 excuses I've heard from people about why they don't go to church...

...And how to respond to them.

There have been dissertations, books, articles and songs written about this.  This is only my two cents worth...hopefully something that will arm you with a response the next time you hear one of these.  Or, perhaps you have been saying one of these lately and this will help you through it.  This might be a bit risque for a pastor's wife, but i assure you this post is not written because of or modeled after a particular person :) These are things I've heard since I was a youth...and now that I've had some experience working in churches, worshiping in different churches and learning in different churches, I see where these people are coming from...but I also have an idea of how to respond.  Here goes...

1.  "I can worship from home.  I don't need church."  Yes you can (and I hope you do), and yes you do.  The book of Acts talks about the first church and why it was needed and how it came about.  We are to surround ourselves with other Christians so that we can praise, worship and learn as a community.  We pray for each other, we help each other, we teach each other and by being around other Christians we inspire and motivate each other to be better Christians.  Face it, it's not always easy being a Christian - by standing in the midst of others who believe what you do, you feel empowered.  Once, when working in Peru at a Christian School, I was out for a few days because I was sick (probably "tummy buddies"...which us foreigners affectionately called the parasites and amoebas we sometimes got :) )  The headmaster stopped by to check on me and completely shocked me when he entered the room upset.  "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?  Why were you hiding it?!"  He made me turn to James 5:14 and had me read "14Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; 15and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him.…".  Point taken.  We are a community.  "Worshiping at home" is a wonderful concept and I hope we all do it.  Truth is, when I hear this excuse from people, most of the time they aren't really doing it - they just want you to know they don't think the church is necessary.

2.  "I had a bad experience in a church when I was little"  This is quite common - especially from people who went to Catholic schools.  This is also harder to deal with because you know this person has a faith background, understands and knows quite a bit about God and church...and still rejects it because of a bad experience.  The only thing I can say to this is - the church (or school) you went to when you were little...there isn't another one like it.  My church isn't like it, the church down the street isn't the same either.  If you have the desire to find a church that fits your "idea" of what church should be - I will help you find one. If you're still holding on to the bad experience that happened ten-twenty years ago...it's time to let go. Don't let past experiences keep you from future ones.  What you experienced long ago wasn't "God" or "the church" - it was individuals who were obviously not acting in what you would consider a "Christian way'".  Don't blame the church for these individuals' faults.

3.  "I don't have time."  In our culture today - especially for young families - this is way too common.  Sports, hobbies, etc get in the way of church.  I could write pages about this, but I'm just going to say - you make time for the things that are important to you.  If you aren't making time for church, perhaps it's not very high on the priority list for you.  If that doesn't bother you, then continue your lifestyle.  If what I just said ruffled your feathers, then perhaps you need to look at why.  Luckily, in many cities now, you can find worship services on Saturday nights, Sunday mornings and Sunday evenings.  If it's important to you, you will find a way.  

4.  "The church is full of hypocrites."  Yep.  It is.  This is my favorite excuse and I hear it a lot from "new Christians" who have just started going to church.  They are all excited about their new faith and church family and then someone disappoints them, or offends them, or does something they don't approve of.  All of a sudden, the church is seen as flawed.  I hate to break it to you...but it is.  Why?  Because we are humans - we aren't Jesus.  We aren't perfect and we are all going to mess up.  If someone offended you, maybe, if you give them a chance, they'll apologize.  Maybe they won't.  Not all good people are Christians and not all Christians are good people.  What you need to do as a Christian is model what you think is the correct behavior.  I've had to apologize to people at church for offending them.  It happens.  You can confront whoever upset you and let them know (in a nice way) what they did, or you can just forgive them and move on.  Either way, I promise you that you will never find a church with perfect people. It doesn't exist.  Luckily, the church is open to hurt, scarred, angry, bitter and confused people.  If it wasn't, where could these people go?  The church is open to everyone and, with God's love, they can change.

5.  "I don't believe in God"  Tough one.  This one I don't have a direct answer for because it completely and totally depends on where that person is in life.  When talking to one pastor about an atheist friend (which, as my theology professor pointed out can't exist...everyone believes in something...just the fact that someone says - I don't believe God exists - means they acknowledged there was a God to begin with and they are choosing not to believe in Him.  deep thought, huh?), he said - I enjoy talking to atheists because they have usually pondered the subject and like to talk about it.  He said, I have had great discussions with atheists,  it's the people that refuse to talk about it or don't want to that are farther from God.  You meet that person where they are, talk with them if they are interested, back off if they aren't.  Then, pray for them.

Life is easier, if you go to church - not because you will be blessed with only good things - but because you will have a community to hold onto when bad things happen.  Your faith will be stronger if you go to church - perhaps from bible studies, perhaps from worship services, perhaps from Sunday school, but definitely from surrounding yourself with a community of people that believe what you do, and try their best to live how God wants them to.  We all need this motivation.  And we all need church.  Just remember, church is not God and God is not church.  In church we praise and worship God, we feel God, we hear God and we get the privilege of seeing God in the faces of those around us...but church is not God.  God is why we go to church.  If you are having a difficult time finding a church to call "home", don't give up.  God has a plan for you and, if you continue looking, you will find one!  If you need help - just ask!!

Hope this helped someone :)

God bless,

laurie   

What Our loving husbands need to know about us when we are pregnant...

I may not be the most qualified to write this blog, but I have had two children and I'm pretty aware of why I feel what I feel...and pretty observant of others.  So, after recently talking with a friend, I got the urge to write this.  It's sort of a joke...sort of not :)

I know there are TONS of books out there about "what to expect when you're expecting" and many more that are even geared towards husbands.  Truthfully though, how many of our husbands are going to sit down and read those?  So, to help your hubby get ready for you when you are pregnant, and to help him understand you, I've written a short and sweet "instruction manual" for you to share with him :)  I'm sure you have another "point" you'd like to share - feel free to add it to the bottom so others can reap your wisdom :)

              

Husbands:

This is a little "heads up" on understanding your pregnant wife.  It's not meant to scare you or insult you, it's simply a way to help you get along better with your sweetheart until (and a little bit after) the baby is born.
5 of our common behaviors and what should be your appropriate response - straightforward - follow them and you (and your wife) will be much happier ;)

1.   OUR BEHAVIOR:  We are different when we're pregnant.  Yes, there are some women that say that pregnancy was a breeze and they never had any problems (and to those women I say - that is SO great for you! ...that was laced with sarcasm and bitterness ;)  However, most of us go through so many things I won't even bother to list them...it's kind of depressing.  Just know, that we will act different - maybe not all the time - but some of the time.  And by different, I mean, well...you may not be our favorite person sometimes.  All my husband had to do sometimes was walk in the door and I'd get mad!  The strange thing is, I never realized I was acting different, until after the baby was born and I looked back - and realized maybe I wasn't the best wife at times ;)  YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE:  When you get attacked for what may seem as nothing, just walk over to your wife, give her a kiss, say you love her and walk away.  If you try and defend yourself over "nothing" chances are you will lose...big time.  I mean really, we're already upset about nothing - if you give us something to actually get mad over...not smart.  Feel honored that we use you as our "release".  It means we love you and trust you enough to unburden on you rather than someone else because you promised to love us no matter what. We know you won't leave us (unlike our friends or co-workers) so you are our "safe place" (that part is actually true...I'm not being sarcastic :).  Oh, and a word of warning - do NOT call this behavior to our attention.  Whether we know we're acting more irrationally or not, pointing it out may get you hurt.

2.  OUR BEHAVIOR:  We are uncomfortable when we are pregnant...in soooo many ways.  We will probably complain - it may come out as a direct complaint, it may come out as whining, it may be linked to number 1. YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE:  Don't try and understand - you can't possibly.  But do understand this - we have a right to complain.  What we are going through is hard, it's not something we completely understand and we are, at times, extremely uncomfortable.  You can't understand this because God didn't bless you with this wonderful burden, but you can nod and be quiet.  It doesn't matter if we tell you 1200 times that our feet hurt, we want to hear from you 1200 times, "I'm sorry, can I do anything?"  We want you to understand what we're going through (even though you can't) -we're not complaining for us, we're complaining for you - so you can share in this experience ;)

3.  OUR BEHAVIOR:  Eating.  I'm not talking about eating weird things (although some of my friends did), I'm talking about eating.  Period.  I had a bad, metallic type taste in my mouth during my entire pregnancies.  The taste was so bad that if something was not in my mouth (gum, food, drink, etc) I would gag.  Fun times.  So, I would eat - even if I wasn't hungry.  I also gained over 70 pounds.  Turns out, I was also having a reaction to some of the foods I was eating (which I found out years later), but that's not the point.  Point is, we get to endure pregnancy for almost 10 months and its the one time in our life we don't have to worry about how we look in our bathing suits.  YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE:  Never question what or why your honey is eating.  That will only bring on an argument.  If you don't like the food your wife is eating, may I suggest that you a.) cook the meals and/or b.) do the grocery shopping.

4.  OUR BEHAVIOR:  Impatience.  (This is linked to number 1 but bears repeating because it will increase in the last trimester)  The last 12 weeks of my pregnancy, I woke up every 30 minutes every night to turn over because my hips hurt so bad.  This is not uncommon.  Others wake up every 30 minutes to pee.  Little sleep = impatience.  Again, we may not realize that the two are linked or that it's getting worse...but I'm sure you will. (again, don't point it out). YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE:  If you want us to feel more rested and, in turn, be a nicer person - find a way for us to get in a nap.  We get ill with you because we are jealous - you get to sleep all night!  We want to also!  Help us out a little...

5.  OUR BEHAVIOR:  over-planning, over-organized, over-stressed.  We are so excited about our new bundle of joy and he/she is on our mind all the time.  You may be able to think about other things, but that's because you don't have a little reminder kicking you in the ribs at all hours :)  This may depend on the personality of your wife, but most women get into the "zone" at times and want to make sure everything is ready - nursery, supplies, food for after the birth, childcare, etc.  YOUR APPROPRIATE RESPONSE:  Indulge her.  Try and get excited even if, at the moment, it's the last thing you want to think about.  This is something you can prepare for together.  If you want to get her mind off of your future bebito, if you want to have a date night where you talk about something other than your bambino, you're going to have to try a little harder and be a little more creative...ahem.  In all areas ;)

Did I miss anything ladies?  Anything else our husbands need to know when we're pregnant?  btw, that made it sound like I'm pregnant...I'm not (despite my childrens' pleas :)

God bless